Stressed out about relaxing…


I read an interesting article today on the “secret ingredient to weight loss”.  Sounded tantalizing.  Then I read it and thought, oh yeah.  That.,,,

   STRESS!!!

Just saying it makes me tense.   But stress and how we deal with has a tremendous impact on our weight.  Familiar with the phrase “Weighed down with stress” ?  It makes sense now doesn’t it?   I have about one hundred pounds worth of the stuff I’d like to unload. ..  If only it were that easy.

Here is the link to the article I read this morning on ways to de-stress.

I am learning , albeit slowly, how to not get stressed out so easily.   It’s really not worth it in the final analysis.  Things won’t be better for my getting all upset and agitated so why bother.    It also has a detrimental affect on my ability to get through whatever the situation is that is causing me stress.  If I stay calm and just focus on the task at hand, it all goes much better.    I risk angering a few people in my life who seem to generate and thrive on stress because they get the mistaken idea that I am not taking the situation seriously.   But it’s a risk I am willing to take at this point in my life.

Going to go relax and hydrate.   Have a happy Sunday.

Lost and Found


Philippa's Grave Site

As my winding path takes its detours and such, this is a photograph taken today of me at the grave site of my birth mother, Philippa M. Thompson.  She gave me up for adoption in 1973.  It was always my intention to find her again someday.  Well today is that day.    But I wasn’t able to hug her and thank her for making such a difficult decision.   She died in 1998 at the age of 68.    So all I could do was leave some humble flowers at the grave site and continue on my path.

I am hoping to find other biological family who can fill in some of the blanks but some questions I fear will remain unanswered forever.

This part of my journey has made me by turns, angry, then sad, then reflective and back to sad.   What I am learning also is you can live 7 decades on this earth and leave barely a whisper of a trace that you were here.

Knowing a little about the health of my maternal side of the family has helped.   I am trying to figure out where she went and who my father was.  Then I can hope to fill in the paternal side.

But for now I am tired.   Time for a nap.  Its been an emotionally draining few weeks.

Do You Know Where You’re Going To?


Now looking back at all we’ve had
We let so many dreams just slip through our hands
Why must we wait so long, before we see?
How sad the answers to those questions can be

For the last three days I have been humming “Do You Know Where You’re Going To”, often subconsciously.   I realized this morning that I was doing it.

As sung by Diana Ross

I am still waiting for answers to the questions of where I came from long ago.    Some of the answers so far haven’t been happy ones.  But despite knowing that, I keep waiting for more pieces of the puzzle.  One thing I am coming to grips with is that where I cam from does not define who I am.  I define who I am.   I choose my path and my ultimate destiny.

I’m letting all my emotions flow over me.  I’m not fighting them.  I am though, reminding myself not to let them dictate my behavior and my attitude.  I am still me- the same me that I was Tuesday in those last moments as I held that envelope in my hand.  Before I knew what I know now.  I am wiser today than on Tuesday but I am still Me.  And that’s a good thing!  LOL!!

I may not always know where I’m going to but I am going to enjoy the journey just the same.

 

Truth is Stranger and sometimes sadder than Fiction


So…   I’ve been working my butt off.  Figuratively of course .  Literally my big caboose is still with me.  That sucks.  But I digress.

In the midst of working my… well you know, I had a flash of brilliance..  I decided to pursue getting to the bottom of my adoption story.  I was placed in foster care at around age 4 and adopted a few years later.  I live in Georgia so the records were closed until 1990 I think it was, when they changed the laws and you could get non identifying information for a fee and you could get the state to conduct a search for a fee.  I was broke so I did neither. But I did sign up for the Adoption Reunion Registry.  And then life went on.

Kids are now grown and life at least on the personal side is quiet so I finally got back to the who-am-I-and-where-did-I-come-from thing and sent off for my Non identifying information last month.  It came this Tuesday. And my world has been reeling ever since.

I had assumed all these years that 1. I was my BM’s (that’s Birth Mother), first child.  3.. I assumed she was in her early to mid 20s and 3. I assumed that she was from the South.  Errr.. WRONG! on every count.    She was 37 when I was born and I was her last child and she is from New Hampshire!  And unfortunately because the state says they never got my registration for the Adoption Reunion , I never got to meet my BM .  She registered in 1991 and passed away in 1998.

Now I  am searching for any maternal relatives.  I supposedly have 3 older siblings.  JoAnne  from The Adoption Database has found my cousin Ellen on my mother’s side.   So I’ve learned a few details about my mother’s family.  We have not yet spoken but I hope to soon.

So my attempts at weightloss have been at a standstill.   I am still taking my Omnitrition products and have loads more energy as well as sleeping much better than before.  But my food choices are abysmal!

Ok that’s it for now.  I am up to my earlobes in work so I better get back to it!

Have a great weekend folks! 🙂