Better Than Okay

It’s been nearly 2 years now.  In May of 2010 my Mom’s last words to me as I walked out of her room were

“You’ll be ok, won’t you dear?”  I sobbed uncontrollably for nearly 2 hours afterward.   I had assured her I would be ok.  I lied.  I knew I was lying as I uttered the words.  But I think it it time to make good on my words, even if they were a lie at the time.   She would not be happy to know her daughter has made a big bad habit of not being ok for nearly two years.  But grief is a funny thing.  It takes on a life of it’s own and does as it will.  You just have to hang on for the ride and learn not to fight it.  Fighting it just makes the ride that much longer, darker, and lonelier.   Time for me to get off the ride and get on with it.  It being Life.   

When we are emotionally unwell, it spills over into other areas of our life.  Especially how we relate to food and what control we let it have over us.   

I want to honor my Mom.  Honor what she meant to me in good days and bad.  One way I can do that is by being healthy.   She worried about my weight … fretted over it much more than I ever have.  I don’t want to be food obsessed or weight obsessed.  I just want to be Life obsessed!   

She told me she wouldn’t really be gone.  I’d be able to see her in Nature.  Where ever there were butterflies flitting about and flowers and tress, I could find her there.  So my goal is to be healthy enough to be out in Nature so I can be closer, just a bit, to my Mom.

 

Advertisements

One response

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s